When she found herself alone in the warm room, she carefully pushed her way under the bed. Wee-One knew she would be safe. No one would find her there. Her chest screamed as her new heart leapt inside.
She could hear voices and steps coming closer. They will find me! “I am not safe! I am not safe! I am not safe!” Wee-One screamed louder and louder to herself. “HE IS HERE! HE HAS FOUND ME!” Wee-One heard the soul singing again. It was difficult to hear at first over her own screaming in her head. The singing broke through the cacophony until all she heard was singing. She began to weep silently, so as not to be found. She awoke after a brief interval to find herself in the arms of Traveler. Crying is exhausting, even more so with a brand new heart. She continued to sob in Traveler’s arms as he gently rocked her back and forth, back and forth. He asked again, “Are these tears of love?” Again, she shook her head. Through tears, she mouthed, “Acceptance.” The Rock Monster came without warning or invitation. Had she known his intentions, she would have begged the Spear Bearer to run in another direction. There was no hope now. The kingdom had been built. The walls fortified, dingy and rocky from within, beautiful gardens seen without. Few guest were allowed past the Great Hall, decorated with the finest of wares. Where all wore “happy” smiles and “proper” posture. Wee-One was seldom seen here among the “living.” She lived in secret, in her hiding places not to be found. She was called upon to help care for the kingdom. This is when the monster would catch her with her guard down. Perhaps, if it were the monster alone, it might have been easier to bear. No, that was not to be her lot in life. The grove contained many others. She had been warned of the dangers of those unknowns wanting to hurt her. Wee-One was often confused. The Rock Monster was known and yet, he had wounded her many times. Now, the woundings came more frequently, but never from unknowns. They also came from the Janimglys (ja-nim-glees), who stole her life, heart, hope, future, joy, and many, many secrets. She rarely felt safe in the kingdom. Now, her hiding places have been stolen. She struggled through the pain as she traversed the ever-narrowing staircase. The rocks scrapped her wounds as they ripped larger holes into her whisper-thin clothing. The glacier air cracked her bones as the descent slowed to a crawl. Her eyes were useless as she slid on her stomach to find the last hiding spot in the kingdom. Just . . . a . . . few . . . more . . . inches, she willed herself not to feel the pain. She told herself not to breathe. Her eyes were still closed, but her hand could feel she had reached the opening …
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Lea G.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2000. I have struggled with panic attacks associated with this diagnosis for many years. I began writing this story while in treatment at The Center in the summer of 2017. It has provided an outlet for my anxiety and surprising much-needed healing. Archives
March 2019
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