![]() Cleinags spoke again to Gruashe to wish him well for the evening as they parted ways. Nom-Mee finally breathed as she continued to crawl. The squad exited the cavern just below the kingdoms’ kitchens. Nom-Mee’s left eye began to twitch as they moved along the kingdom’s outside wall toward the swamps. Her heart beat faster as the familiar swamp gas filled her nose. Her legs shook, lifting feet of concrete, making each step more difficult than the last. If it were daylight, it would be apparent that she was shaking uncontrollably. Terba approached and kissed her check. “My child, you need not be brave all the time. We know you are frightened. We expected it. None of us lived to tell the story you tell. I know you will not rest, if I encourage you. Would you consider it after the swamp? “We will rest after the waterfall,” Nom-Mee replied defiantly. “The waterfall has always been my safe place. Maybe I will hear his voice again. Nom-Mee knew the secret path through the swamp. She played here as a small child in order to keep her distance from the Rock Monster. “Watch out for this tree, he likes to play tricks.” “Wee-One! I missed you!” Lubbant (la-bont) yelled as she jumped into his knurly arms. “Look at you! You have changed!” He roared in a voice that been poisoned by the swamp gasses. He was the only living thing to survive the sludge. Nom-Mee shushed him, “Lubby (‘hubby’), you must be quiet. It is not playtime. I must leave the kingdom. I am searching for the haleakala (hah-le-ah-kah-lah). It is blooming this year, but only in one place.” Lubbant replied, “No one has found that in many years. The search stopped when Rock Monster came.” “That is why I must continue. I will not leave the others.” Lubbant wept silently, but he knew what Nom-Mee said was true. He carefully dug through the waters to his roots and brought out a box. “I have been protecting this for you in hopes that one day you would return. It is now yours to keep,” Lubbant said as a tear streamed down his check. Nom-Mee cried as she took the box. “This was a gift from . . . from . . . how do you have it? I thought the Rock Monster destroyed it the day he died. It was mine and he took it. Thank you, Lubbant, thank you. You saved it. You are so precious.” Nom-Mee gave him a hug and wept. He whispered into her ear. She kissed him on the check and laughed. Lubbant said, “She said I was the trickster? You need to look what she did to my butt!” Properly carved into the trunk was ‘ame errews heer (aim arrows here).’ “Your brothers shot me for weeks!” “OK, OK, that is enough of that, old friend!” Nom-Mee spoke up as the squad began to get rowdy. “I was only six and you would not help me with the spelling. Now, you must be especially careful. For if, anyone were to shoot you, they may shoot your brains out! We must go before you wake up the whole grove.” Nom-Mee hugged her old friend as they escaped the swamps. They crept through the tall grass of the grasslands until they came to a river and a refreshing pool. Each member rinsed off and filled all canteens before proceeding. Nom-Mee had a mission to reach the waterfall before the sun rose and she did not want to stop. The sun was beginning to rise over the kingdom just as they reached the waterfall. Nom-Mee could see the kingdom in the distance behind her, but she still worried that she would be found. Carefully seeking through the crevices, Nom-Mee found the opening in the mountain. Each squeezed through the opening that led to a narrow pathway. This opened into a cathedral room behind the waterfall. Nom-Mee crept forward hoping she could hear the voice, even though she knew it would not be there. Nom-Mee joined the squad as Magsbraenty finished preparing vutre (view-tray) for breakfast. Not her favorite, but she was hungry, nonetheless. Though it was daylight, she insisted all sleep for it was safer to travel by dark. She had a difficult time falling asleep. She moved to be between Terba and Magsbraenty. These two gentle souls sang until she fell asleep. Shhh . . . Be quiet! Quick, the Rock Monster is coming! She will be safe under here. They never find her behind the magical waterfall. Crawl, do not worry, the pain will not last long. She must get to the very back, does she see it? Her secret, safe spot, it is there. She knows it is. Lie very still; try not to breathe; she knows it is dark, but soon she will be able to see. There, now, she reaches up her hand just above her face. Does she feel the moss? It is almost like, soft, lacy cloth? She asks herself, “How will this protect me?” She looks closer still, WAIT! There is a balustrade, too. Yes, the ipe is strong, sturdy, and will protect her from anything. The wispy gauze reminds her to remain calm and slow her breathing. She hears noise as her hands trace the rectangles above her head. They seem to mirror the marks on her body. “I am safe. I am safe. I am safe,” she repeats to herself as the cacophony grows louder and louder. Her heart matches its oncoming beat. She closes her eyes and covers her ears as she screams in her head. “I AM SAFE, I AM SAFE, I AM SAFE, I AM SAFE! No one can find me . . . They do not know I am here . . . DO NOT BREATHE! “Just be still, they will forget soon. Feel the lacy cloth, breathe, just breathe.” Her thoughts are interrupted. The music flows through the waterfall and she hears a soothing voice. She knows that voice. He is reading a story, but he does not know she is there. He seems afraid, too, but he tries to be brave and he reads. She want to move closer to hear the words, but … then … the … others … would … know … her … secret. She is safe, but even in her safety, the air gets thick, stale, and hot. She cannot leave and risk being discovered or worse, having her secret revealed. How will she stay safe, then? Who will protect her from the Rock Monster? His lilting voice continued to read to the others to calm them. She focused on her breathing, even though the stentorian world spun out of control beyond the waterfall. All seemed safe in her spot. She just kept telling herself to breathe. BAM!
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Lea G.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2000. I have struggled with panic attacks associated with this diagnosis for many years. I began writing this story while in treatment at The Center in the summer of 2017. It has provided an outlet for my anxiety and surprising much-needed healing. Archives
March 2019
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