Mal-Nai buried her head in her hands and stated, “This brings up a lot of pain, but I am not afraid of it at the moment. There are many times I am. I want to run and hide behind my magic curtain to listen to my brother read and I will be safe again. I know it is only an illusion. Even at the time, it was.
“There is no such thing as safety. It is all smoke and mirrors. Those appointed charge over me failed miserably. Even my loving brother left the mantle to me. I bore the weight the best I could until I failed my brother as well. “The gig was up. They saw beyond the curtain and I was seen as a fraud. Yet, no one would dare take my stead. There was no one waiting to rescue. It was still left to me to provide safety for those around me. “No one was there to even hold my hand. Had I become a leper? Would everything I touch now die? I dare not allow anyone close for fear they would leave me as well.” Yeinar laughed as he welcomed Gruashe into the camp. Gruashe was still reeling from the thought of being accepted. Yeinar slapped him on the back causing Gruashe to begin to cough as he continued to choke back his tears. Terba said, “I must admit I thought you had killed us for sure, but I was the one who is to blame for the whole thing. I am so afraid for my precious child. I forget to be concerned about myself or any of you.” Terba began to weep as she apologized. The crewmembers surrounded her to assure her they forgave her. “We have all been selfish and thought only of this journey,” said Nags. Bags nodded in agreement. “We must work as one, if we are to find Mal-Nai,” said Yeinar. “Do you know the way to go from here, Gruashe?” “Yes, yes, I do,” said Gruashe firmly. “Now, that we are almost to the base of Mount Glekny, my mountain, I most assuredly can show you the way. I know the shortest way to my family’s home.” Nags said, “How long has it been since you have been on this path?” “Well, uh, yes, I guess, perhaps, I suppose, it has been a long time. I was taken as a very small boy, so it has been quite some time, but I do have a good memory. I marked trees, rocks, and cliff faces. I have made the climb a million times in my daydreams.” Everyone was satisfied with his explanation and set out to search for shelter for the night. Terba prepared Latbedyz (lat-beads) for breakfast because it was Gruashe’s favorite. He gave her a big hug for making such a special treat for him. He was so happy, he even helped clean without being asked. Bags stoked the fire before she stretched out her bed. Yeinar dug through his pack to find his writings he had begun keeping when he remembered Mal-Nai had memories of him. Nags fell asleep quickly. Gruashe straightened things and fell asleep dreaming of home. Terba, as always, was the last to bed down in the cave they had selected. Shortly before they were to wake, pebbles began to fall from the ceiling as the walls shook. The shaking became violent as a giant rock fell in front of the entrance of the cave . . .
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Lea G.
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2000. I have struggled with panic attacks associated with this diagnosis for many years. I began writing this story while in treatment at The Center in the summer of 2017. It has provided an outlet for my anxiety and surprising much-needed healing. Archives
March 2019
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