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Broken Kingdom

Trapped . . .

10/16/2018

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     Yeinar bounded to his feet with the first rumble.  He tried to wake the crew to help them escape, but as they ran toward the cave’s entrance, he observed the boulder seal the cave.  “OK, Gruashe, do you know another way out of this mess?”
     Yeinar thought to himself, “If this was Rock Monster, he thinks Mal-Nai is still with us.  If, indeed, her name is still Mal-Nai.  It will surely take a miracle to get us out now.”
     Gruashe sensed Yeinar’s despair, “I know all seems hopeless, but somehow we have managed to escape our tough spots before.  I doubt this was Rock Monster, although it does seem curious, the closer we get to my house, the more tragic things seem to happen preventing us from our goal and keeping us from finding Terba’s ‘Precious Wee-One.’”
     “Let me see.  I do recall this was a place that was familiar,” Gruashe said to himself as he began to search through the rocks . . .
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Voices united . . .

10/15/2018

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     Nom-Nee, Wee-One, Mal-Nai, and Lan-Oea at once said, “Broken promises give me no hope . . .”
     Bit by bit, piece by peace.
     My hope is stolen.
     This thief has many
     Faces, many names.
 
     It comes in beauty,
     But leaves deep scars.
     “My name is love,”
     It says, but leaves
     Fear and terror in its wake.
 
     “I am here,”
     It says, but
     When needed the
     Message is demanded,
     Abandonment ignored or laughed away.
 
     “Expectations are too high,”
     It says.
     Stop hoping,
     Stop believing,
     Just give up!
     There is no need to continue.
 
     Lan-Oea stood to discover she no longer had deformed feet and did not need a pebble to see them.  Her eyes saw things more clearly than the others.  She had more trust in Poppie and knew she must trust her mission to him, not to herself.  This is why she is still tired.  She tried for too long to walk the path on her own . . .
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Hopeless . . .

10/13/2018

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     Nom-Mee said, “My pain goes deeper than my new heart.  It is my soul, Klon.  My soul is not clean.  It is beyond help.  There is no hope.”
     Wee-One woke screaming.  She was inconsolable.  Members of the bevy sought Dweller, but he could not be found.  She kept repeating, “No hope, no hope, there is no hope for me.”
     Traveler awoke to the commotion and began looking for Mal-Nai.  His search was in vain for he instinctively knew where she was.  Mal-Nai had required refuge in her spot under the bed as she repetitively stated the familiar phrase, “I am safe, I am safe, I am safe . . .”
     Lan-Oea arose and found she was alone in the cottage.  The familiar feeling came deep in her stomach.  She dare not think it.  Not this time, He promised.  She knew he was real.
His very heart caused the lifeblood to course through her body.  How . . . how . . . how could it be true?  Yet, she looked around and she, indeed, was . . . ALONE.  This time no waterfall could be a refuge.
     At a lost, Lan-Oea gathered her pack and weapons to forge on the path.  “I must save the others on my own.”  The trek seemed different this time.
     Lan-Oea continued her nightly hike and then stumbled falling.  For the first time, she could not find the strength to stand.  She tried once, twice, finding a boulder nearby, she leaned against it.  She pushed harder, pulling, tugging, struggling, but failing.  She yelled out, “THERE IS NO HOPE.  WHAT HOPE IS THERE FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME?”  Finally, in desperation, she yelled to no one in particular, “So, I guess this means Rock Monster wins since I have no strength to go forth!  Your promises mean NOTHING!”
     Her feet less steady, she could not find her balance.  Once again, she wished for her m’looks.  She stumbled and the contents of her pack strewed across the path in front of her.
     Lan-Oea attempted and failed numerous times to stand.  Finally, she crawled about gathering the insides of her rucksack carefully replacing each.  One by one, she mindlessly returned the items.  Until her hands touched them . . . could it be . . . really . . . they have been here all along?
     She slipped her m’looks on her deformed feet and stood.  Loading the remainder of her belongings, she still felt discouraged, with the feeling of rejection in the pit of her stomach . . .
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Lost . . .

10/12/2018

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     Mal-Nai buried her head in her hands and stated, “This brings up a lot of pain, but I am not afraid of it at the moment.  There are many times I am.  I want to run and hide behind my magic curtain to listen to my brother read and I will be safe again.  I know it is only an illusion.  Even at the time, it was.
     “There is no such thing as safety.  It is all smoke and mirrors.  Those appointed charge over me failed miserably.  Even my loving brother left the mantle to me.  I bore the weight the best I could until I failed my brother as well.
     “The gig was up.  They saw beyond the curtain and I was seen as a fraud.  Yet, no one would dare take my stead.  There was no one waiting to rescue.  It was still left to me to provide safety for those around me.
     “No one was there to even hold my hand.  Had I become a leper?  Would everything I touch now die?  I dare not allow anyone close for fear they would leave me as well.”
     Yeinar laughed as he welcomed Gruashe into the camp.  Gruashe was still reeling from the thought of being accepted.  Yeinar slapped him on the back causing Gruashe to begin to cough as he continued to choke back his tears.
     Terba said, “I must admit I thought you had killed us for sure, but I was the one who is to blame for the whole thing.  I am so afraid for my precious child.  I forget to be concerned about myself or any of you.”  Terba began to weep as she apologized.
     The crewmembers surrounded her to assure her they forgave her.  “We have all been selfish and thought only of this journey,” said Nags.  Bags nodded in agreement.
     “We must work as one, if we are to find Mal-Nai,” said Yeinar.  “Do you know the way to go from here, Gruashe?”
     “Yes, yes, I do,” said Gruashe firmly.  “Now, that we are almost to the base of Mount Glekny, my mountain, I most assuredly can show you the way.  I know the shortest way to my family’s home.”
     Nags said, “How long has it been since you have been on this path?”
     “Well, uh, yes, I guess, perhaps, I suppose, it has been a long time.  I was taken as a very small boy, so it has been quite some time, but I do have a good memory.  I marked trees, rocks, and cliff faces.  I have made the climb a million times in my daydreams.”  Everyone was satisfied with his explanation and set out to search for shelter for the night.
     Terba prepared Latbedyz (lat-beads) for breakfast because it was Gruashe’s favorite.  He gave her a big hug for making such a special treat for him.  He was so happy, he even helped clean without being asked.
     Bags stoked the fire before she stretched out her bed.  Yeinar dug through his pack to find his writings he had begun keeping when he remembered Mal-Nai had memories of him.  Nags fell asleep quickly.  Gruashe straightened things and fell asleep dreaming of home.  Terba, as always, was the last to bed down in the cave they had selected.
     Shortly before they were to wake, pebbles began to fall from the ceiling as the walls shook.  The shaking became violent as a giant rock fell in front of the entrance of the cave . . .
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    Lea G.

    I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2000.  I have struggled with panic attacks associated with this diagnosis for many years.  I began writing this story while in treatment at The Center in the summer of 2017.  It has provided an outlet for my anxiety and surprising much-needed healing.

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